How to Support Your Teen
Parenting a teenager can feel like walking a tightrope. One moment your teen wants closeness and reassurance; the next, they’re pulling away and insisting they’re fine. You want to help, but every time you step in, it seems to make things worse. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. It’s completely normal to feel unsure about how much guidance to give and how much space to allow.
During adolescence, your child’s brain is doing some heavy lifting. They’re developing independence, decision-making skills, and a sense of identity separate from you. That can look like moodiness, withdrawal, or even defiance. It doesn’t mean they don’t need you anymore, it just means they’re learning how to be themselves.
When parents respond with curiosity instead of control, it sends a powerful message:
“I trust you to figure this out, and I’m here when you need me.”
That kind of trust helps teens feel safe coming to you when life truly gets hard.
What “Taking Over” Looks Like (Even When We Don’t Mean To)
It’s easy to slip into problem-solving mode , especially when you’ve already lived through similar struggles. But when teens sense that we’re trying to fix, correct, or direct them, they often shut down or rebel harder.
Here are a few subtle examples of taking over:
Giving advice before listening
Jumping in to fix a mistake before it happens
Asking too many questions out of worry
Criticizing tone, attitude, or friends
Most of the time, these actions come from love, but they can unintentionally communicate, “I don’t think you can handle this.”
How to Support Without Controlling
Here are a few ways to stay connected while honoring your teen’s growing independence:
Lead with listening.
Instead of responding right away, try saying, “That sounds hard. Tell me more.” It shows empathy and keeps the door open.Validate before problem-solving.
A simple “I get why you’d feel that way” goes a long way toward helping your teen regulate their emotions.Ask, “Do you want advice or just a listener?”
This question empowers teens to guide the kind of support they need — and reduces power struggles.Model calm instead of control.
Your teen learns emotional regulation by watching you. When you stay grounded, it helps them find their center too.Allow natural consequences (within safety).
Sometimes the best teacher is experience. Standing back doesn’t mean not caring — it means trusting your teen to learn from life.If you find yourself constantly checking their phone, worrying late at night, or replaying conversations, it might be a sign that you need support too.
Parenting a teen through anxiety, school pressure, or emotional ups and downs is stressful and you deserve care and space to process that.Therapy can be a place to slow down, untangle that worry, and find new ways to connect that actually work for your family.
Helping your teen grow up doesn’t mean stepping back completely, it means learning to stay close in new ways.
If you’re feeling unsure or exhausted, I help parents and families navigate these transitions with warmth, understanding, and practical tools that bring calm back to your home.I offer free 30-minute consultations for parents and families across California.
Why You Feel So Overwhelmed (even when nothing is “wrong”)
Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “Why do I feel like this?” Maybe you’re keeping up with school or work, spending time with friends, and doing all the “right” things, yet you still feel anxious, tired, or detached. If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Feeling overwhelmed doesn’t always mean something major is happening. Sometimes, it’s the accumulation of small, daily pressures that quietly build up until your mind and body say, “Enough.”
We live in a world that rarely pauses. Messages, assignments, deadlines, and social updates are constantly pulling at your attention. For many teens and young adults, it’s hard to ever truly rest. Even minor stressors add up, keeping your nervous system on high alert. You might not notice it right away, but eventually it shows up as irritability, exhaustion, or zoning out.
Overwhelm isn’t weakness. It’s your body’s way of signaling, “I need a break.”
Many people try to rationalize their feelings with thoughts like, “Other people have it worse,” or “I should be grateful.” While gratitude matters, using it to minimize your feelings only buries them deeper. Dismissing what you feel doesn’t make your feelings go away. In therapy, I often help clients notice how self-criticism or guilt actually intensify their overwhelm. Giving yourself permission to feel what you feel is the first step toward release.
When your stress system stays “on” for too long, your body doesn’t know how to reset. You might notice:
Trouble focusing or starting tasks
Feeling exhausted but unable to rest
Snapping at people you care about
Overanalyzing every decision
These aren’t personality flaws — they’re signs of an overworked nervous system that needs care, not control. Therapy, mindfulness, and simple grounding tools can help bring that system back into balance.
Gentle Ways to Ground Yourself
Here are a few small, doable ways to create more calm in your day:
Take three deep breaths before checking your phone.
Spend five minutes outside.
Write down what’s weighing on you. Seeing it on paper can help the mind release it.
Rest without “earning” it. You’re allowed to recharge just because you need to.
Reach out to someone you trust instead of keeping it all in.
Tiny, consistent steps can make a big difference over time.
You Deserve Support, Even If “Nothing Is Wrong”
You don’t have to wait for things to feel worse before you reach out for help. Therapy can help you understand your emotions, calm your mind, and build resilience for everyday life.
If you’ve been feeling stuck or overwhelmed, I’d love to help you reconnect with yourself.
I offer a free 30-minute consultation for young adults, adolescents, teenagers, and their parents in California.